I remember when we lived in Delano just a short time before Diane was born. There were six of us living there, seven if you counted the unborn one. Mama was cranky and uncomfortable most of the time. We had only one bathroom. If you had to go and someone was in there, you just had to wait. Once when I approached the bathroom door, I heard Mama whispering loudly in there. I couldn't help it; my curiosity got the best of me and I eaves-dropped shamelessly.
Who in the sand-patch was she talking to in there? It sounded like she was having an argument with someone, but I couldn't hear the other person. Well, that could have been because she didn't pause long enough to let them get a word in edgewise... I could tell she was not a happy camper; she was mad at someone, and I was glad it wasn't me. She was "not gonna put up with that" (whatever "that" was) and so on and so on...
Finally I realized she was talking to herself. She was having a battle in her mind. I didn't stick around to hear who won. I was afraid I might be caught eavesdropping and you know you should never get right in the middle of someone else's battle, even if it's with them-self. I could just picture her opening the door and finding me standing there. I knew if that happened I might be the immediate target of her wrath. So I went away for awhile till I heard her come out.
Many years later I remembered that little incident when I found myself standing in front of the bathroom mirror and trying to vent my wrath without anyone hearing. The reason I didn't want anyone to hear is that I knew in my deepest heart that there was another side to the argument, another point of view than my own. If someone, especially the someone at whom I was mad, heard my "self-talk" they might answer. I didn't want to hear what they had to say.
Such conversations happen in my head because I am a Self-centered creature. I want My way. I want control. I want positive attention. I want to do what I like to do without interference or criticism. I... I... I... The Self... Number One...
What about when we Fall In Love? I've done that several times. Falling in love is lovely, but it is still "falling." At lot of what you think about the person with whom you are falling in love is not about that person at all but about Your feelings... It's another Self thing.
The trouble is not that I think so well of my Self. It's just that I think so often of my Self. A battle is raging in my mind. I beat my Self up and then I defend my Self. It's an un-winnable battle. It's still all about Me.
There is a way to win. Consider what you are thinking. Then step outside your Self, and consider the situation from the other person's point of view. What does that person want? Even more, what does that person need? Can you supply their need? Can you encourage that person? Can you help to right a bad situation? Better still, can you do any of the above secretly, without expecting a return on your investment in that person?
No matter what you do, God will know what you are thinking. You already owe your life and everything you have to Him.
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