Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23:13-14.
These words from the Good Old Book are very controversial in this generation of today, but I believe them to be the truth. My belief is backed up, I think, by the results of the last couple of generations who for the most part didn't get tough correction, i.e. physical punishment, when they misbehaved, disobeyed, sassed, or whatever when they were little. Many of them, too many, grew up thinking they were entitled to do as they pleased without consideration of others.
I recognize that many parents of all generations were not always wise and consistent in how they disciplined their children. Some were too soft; some were too hard. Some, like me, were inconsistent, meting out harsher punishment if I was angry. It was often, in fact, all about Me, and not, as it should have been, all about the child. Those verses in Proverbs are all about what is good for the child: "...the rod... shall drive [foolishness] far from him... and shall deliver his soul from hell."
In my child-raising years, I found the boy garnered a lot more whuppin's than the two girls, mostly because he was always doing outrageous things as a child and the girls were either more mellow, or better at hiding their punishment-worthy actions. The girls got into more (in quantity and seriousness) trouble in young adulthood than did Jon. But all of mine got whuppin's from time to time. And they are now all adults who 1) love the Lord, 2) treat others with respect, and 3) have a good work ethic.
So much for bragging about my kids. This blog is basically for the Now Generation, our grandchildren, who range in age from the youngest being a little seven-month-old baby to adults who have children of their own. We also have several great-grandchildren, one of whom will probably have just been born by the time this blog is posted. They are the Future Generation. I can only hope their parents raise them by the words of the Good Old Book, and "drive...foolishness far from him (or her) and deliver his (or her) soul from hell."
Do I sound cruel? Probably. Especially to those who believe spanking is abusive. I understand that some (maybe a great many) children are abused, and may grow up to be either 1) abusers, or 2) too lenient and allow children to rule. It is my hope that discipline of children will come full circle back to the rod of correction. Because foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. All children love the Self. They have to be taught how it is in their best interest to treat other Self's right.
Mama told me about the history of discipline in her family. Her father had been orphaned at eight years old right after the Civil War. He and his siblings had been divided out to various relatives. He had, at the tender age of twelve, run away from his uncle's farm in Texas, walked across East Texas and Arkansas, and returned to the area of the plantation his parents had owned in Mississippi before they died. He found the black woman, the "Mammy" who had cared for him as a baby. She was old, poor, and not able to care for him any more. (There were no entitlement programs in those days.)
He got into trouble with the law and was about to be jailed, when an old man who had no children petitioned to "adopt" him and "make a man out of him." The judge allowed that, as the old guy and his wife had no children of their own. The judge attached a stern warning that if the boy ever got into more trouble with the law, he would be put right on the chain gang for a long, long time. The old man taught Pap'aw how to farm in the Mississippi Delta. He learned how to do all the hard word that entailed. No tractors, only mules. Long hours, from chores in the very early morning before dawn to sundown. Hot sun, but pretty good country dinner at mid-day, prepared by an old woman who cherished him as the child she had longed for and never been able to have. But the old man did not spare the rod.
Pap'aw learned the rewards of hard work, respect for others, especially elders, honesty, and what works in the do-it-yourself farming business. He later married and had a lot of children. He was a no-nonsense father. If he even thought any of his children were headed toward laziness, dishonesty, or (worst of all) any kind of sexual misbehavior (especially the girls), he "beat the whey out of them." (If you don't know what whey is, look it up.)
So Mama told me she got some hard whuppin's she didn't think she deserved. But when asked if she hated Pap'aw because of them, she looked horrified, shook her head, and said emphatically, "No. I loved my Papa." (He was Papa to his children, but Pap'aw to his grandchildren.)
Regarding this subject, one of my aunts once told me, "...I did whatever it took... I did NOT want them on my back side..."
That is not to say the Coulter family never did wrong. They were all Self's and Sinners like all people in all generations, but as adults they put great value on honesty, hard work, faithfulness, sharing, helping each other and friends. They raised their children to love God and have good values. They corrected their children with the belt or a switch when they felt it necessary.
So I grew up assuming I would spank my kids if they needed it. I learned it's easier said than done to be fair in the spanking business. But I think spanking works better for some children than others, and certainly better in some situations than others.
I would like to quote a parts of a couple of Facebook posts regarding spanking. The first is from someone we will call "N":
"I was spanked--and for me, it was ineffective (I only resented the "discipline" and didn't learn the lesson...what stuck with me instead was feeling upset and resentful). What was effective, were correct principles taught in the home, guidelines and rules, good examples from parents..."
To which comment my daughter-in-law, Evensong Goins, responded:
"I have six children ages 10yrs to 16mo, 3 boys and 3 girls and although that does not make me an expert per-say it does never-the-less give me experience. I don't know how many children you have and how well what you said above has worked for you but I know that on countless occasions that would not have worked for me.
I think that you are assuming that children can reason like an adult. If that were the case your philosophy would work great. However, the reality is that children (especially young children) do not think in logical terms, they think in terms of feelings. Children are naturally impulsive and selfish. That is why it is so important for parents to teach their child self control.
A somewhat common mistake that parents can make is that spanking is the fix all. What many parents don't understand is that discipline of any kind (but especially spanking) should be used to cause the child to WANT to make a change in his behavior on his own, not just to show him that the parent is the boss and he was in the wrong.
Personally I think that there are many ways to discipline. When the child starts to understand about boundaries (9 to 12mo) a strong word is usually enough to keep them in line. As they grow older the "punishment" becomes stronger. Whether that is taking away something that they like for a time, putting them in a time out or spanking them. I think that some of these work better then others and all of these ways of discipline won't work every time for every situation but they can work in the right situation.
What a parent needs to ask themselves when disciplining is this: Has their child's heart changed? Are they remorseful of their actions? The objective of discipline is to change the way a child (or adult for that matter) responds to boundaries and correction. Do they accept correction or do they plunge ahead and do whatever they want anyways? A parent could spank a child over and over again but unless there is a heart change it will do nothing. It sounds like it was that way for you. You got spanked but there was no conviction motivating a change in your heart. The discipline was not enough to break your will and because of that you resented it.
It is my opinion that there is a window between the ages of 2 and 6 years of age that spanking is the most effective way "to teach" a child. After that point they are way more capable of being able to be reasoned with. Every one of my children are very different and what works with one may not work with the others. With some children, especially boys, spanking works the best but even I freely admit that it is not ALWAYS the best way to handle a situation. As you can probably tell I am an advocate of spanking. If it didn't work so well I would probably lean more to your side but the fact of the matter is that it DOES work when done properly.
I am by no means a perfect parent and I still have a lot of parenting years ahead of me that I can learn from along the way. The real test for me is what will my children's actions reflect in the end? It is my desire to see my children know the difference between right and wrong and make good choices that reflect wisdom and consideration of others. If I have done that then I have accomplished my goal."
To which I commented:
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